some mornings i would-

make strong coffee and tremble 
quiet against my swishing
almost spilled mug.

and on my drive to school, 
try hard to steady my hands enough 
to light my cigarettes. 

and at school, 
grit teeth against the clamoring 
shakes as i leaned in slow to 
take your light and breathe deep. 

and after school, 
floundering moron that i am, 
sip water from our yellowed 
bathroom sink and rub my eyes.