in schoolyard grey wind blew
quick and all the kids asked

are you crying?

but sensitive eyes do things
that yours do not and
bleeding quiet is real tough too when 
sensitive hearts pump hard and fast.

in heatwave rainfall, borrowed time 
against the old brick house i lived near, we 
used to stand close and breathe the steam 
that rose from its thick pores.

in warm lit room real real soft against
ears static fuzzes lifting voodoo curses
when mom turns off the cable box at

bedtime, almost rain itself. 

at fourteen, a rollicking escape turned heads
and hearts from me but i paid no mind
as my brother gained levels and levels 
among those who would have otherwise given up.

before this though were 
cut arms, hard belt harrying any rubble left
to salvage. i slept upon a hard couch when
my bed felt wet with tears. 

you, unnamed but known, sensed and 
held near. 

you, slim wristed, slipped in quick.

drowned deep in chlorine blue trying
hard to 
get a look up my neighbor’s swimsuit,
i felt as experienced as ever. 

skirting the heft of my neighbor’s father and
noticing quietly to myself
the dirt beneath his nails, 
i late at night wrapped in sheets dreamt yearning dreams
and never once hated myself for it.